My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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