All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
