I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize