i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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