Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
