I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
