I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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