grandma shit on top of the toilet
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
