happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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