i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
