Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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