Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
