How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
