Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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