So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
