Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
