i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My vagina is officially offended.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
