dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
