i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
