I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
