Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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