The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
