yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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