I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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