its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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