If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We just shotgunned beers for America
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
