his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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