Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
