Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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