so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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