She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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