I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
