I think I died a long time ago.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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