yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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