Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
