I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
