i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sober January is a disaster.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
