Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
