She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
3 2 1 whiskey
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
