That's when you crack a 10am beer
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
