4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
