Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
