We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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