Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
