he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
