come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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