I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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