the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
