let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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