i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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