i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
