It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Randomize
