Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
