Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
