I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
