I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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