Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
