She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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