hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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