Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
