dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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