8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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