Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
