I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just want to make out with him forever
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
