I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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