Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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