who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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