so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
