sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
