that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
