Me. At least after what I've been through.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize